The good life

What is it that actually makes a life good?

When we look back on our lives one day, will it be paychecks, titles, and achievements that matter most? Or is there something else that carries more weight? Over 80 years of research into happiness and quality of life provides a fairly clear answer. Across countries, generations, and life situations, long-term studies point to the same cornerstones: close relationships, a certain stability in how we experience life, and the ability to handle adversity and the different phases of life. When we lift our gaze from everyday stress and the career race to look at the entire life course, a pattern emerges that is both simple and challenging.

Relationships are the very core

The most well-known study in this field is the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed people for more than 85 years. The findings are almost provocatively clear: The best predictor of happiness, good health, and a long life is the quality of our close relationships.

Not income.
Not social status.
Not intelligence.

Those who lived in warm, secure, and supportive relationships fared better both physically and mentally. They lived longer. They reported higher life satisfaction. And when researchers interviewed them in old age, they rarely regretted not working more. Often, they regretted relationships they hadn't nurtured. It is not about how many people we know; it is about how safe we feel with the ones we have. Long-term loneliness appears to be just as harmful to health as several of the classic risk factors we are otherwise so concerned about.

Happiness is more stable than we think – but it can be influenced

Research shows that we all seem to have a kind of personal baseline for how satisfied we are with life. Some are consistently more positive than others. This underlying mood is relatively stable over time. At the same time, it is not fixed. Life events, choices, relationships, and habits influence how we feel. Life satisfaction often dips slightly in adolescence and early adulthood, when pressure is high and identity is still being formed. Thereafter, it gradually increases for many throughout adulthood and into old age. The interesting thing is that even though strong, intense emotions may diminish with the years, overall satisfaction often increases. This suggests that maturity is about prioritization. We become better at distinguishing between what truly matters and what only feels important in the moment.

When perspective changes, life changes

Many studies show that people actually become more satisfied with life as they get older. This may seem surprising in a culture that worships youth. An important explanation is perspective. When we realize that time is not infinite, we become more conscious of how we use it. Relationships become more important than achievements. Closeness becomes more important than recognition. Meaning becomes more important than more. Older people are often more selective about who they spend time with. They filter more strictly. They invest in what provides emotional value. At the same time, it seems we become better at regulating emotions and putting difficult experiences into a larger context. A good life is therefore not a life without adversity. It is a life where we learn to carry it.

Social support also affects work and performance

It doesn't stop with our private lives. Changes in life satisfaction are closely linked to mental health, optimism, and perceived social support.

This also applies at work.

Studies that follow people over time show that well-being and a sense of meaning are not just the result of good working conditions. They are also a driving force for better functioning, more collaboration, and higher performance. People who are doing well contribute more constructively. They solve problems better. They build stronger teams.

Investing in relationships and well-being is therefore not a soft addition to "the real work." It is part of the very foundation for sustainable performance.

What does this mean for us?

When we gather the research, we get a picture that challenges much of what we chase in our daily lives.

A good life rarely looks like a series of highlights and rushes of happiness. It looks more like:

A fundamental, stable sense of satisfaction.
Close and meaningful relationships.
The ability to handle adversity.
The willingness to adjust priorities along the way.

Over time, investing in relationships, health, and meaningful activities provides more lasting satisfaction than a one-sided pursuit of status and external success. Achievement is not unimportant. But without a relational foundation, it often feels hollow.

A small thought experiment

Imagine that one day you are interviewed about your life, just as the participants in the Harvard study were.

What do you hope you will be able to say?

Who did you spend your time with?
What did you prioritize when the pressure increased?
Which relationships did you nurture – and which did you let drift away?

Research gives us more than just knowledge. It serves as a quiet reminder that our course can be adjusted while we are still on the journey.

References

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Boehm, J. K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Does happiness promote career success? Journal of Career Assessment, 16(1), 101–116. https://doi.org/10.1177/1069072707308140

Carstensen, L. L. (2006). The influence of a sense of time on human development. Science, 312(5782), 1913–1915. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1127488

Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2006). Beyond the hedonic treadmill: Revising the adaptation theory of well-being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.61.4.305

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), Article e1000316. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316

Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803–855. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.131.6.803

Vaillant, G. E. (2012). Triumphs of experience: The men of the Harvard Grant Study. Belknap Press. https://doi.org/10.4159/harvard.9780674067424

Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2010). What's love got to do with it? Social functioning, perceived health, and daily happiness in married octogenarians. Psychology and Aging, 25(2), 422–431. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019087

Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster.