Behavioral change

Why is it so hard to do what we have decided to do? ‍Why do we keep doing what we have always done, even when we sincerely want to do something else?

A manager has received feedback from her employees. She should listen more and be a little less quick to provide the solution. She recognizes the situation. She decides to change. At the next meeting, it goes quite well. She asks more questions and holds back a little. But then comes a busy Tuesday. The calendar is full, a client is waiting, and the team is stuck on an issue. Before she has time to think, she is back in her old pattern. She takes over the conversation and tells them what they should do. Afterwards, she thinks: There I did it again. It is easy to explain this as a lack of willpower. But research into goals and behavioral change paints a more interesting picture.

Wanting to do something is not the same as being able to do it

Neuroscientist Elliot Berkman distinguishes between two sides of behavioral change. One is about the will, why the goal matters to us and what motivates us to begin. The other is about the way, the cognitive processes that enable us to stay on track, regulate impulses, and actually do something differently when the situation arises. It is an important distinction. We can be highly motivated to change without that automatically meaning we will. The manager may sincerely intend to listen more. She may understand why it is important, and she may have received clear feedback about it. Nevertheless, the new behavior competes with an old pattern that may have been repeated hundreds of times. The old way is ready and waiting. The new way must be practiced. Berkman’s review of the neuroscience behind goals and behavioral change points precisely to the fact that lasting change cannot be reduced to a single mechanism in the brain. Motivation, reward, attention, planning, and cognitive control all interact when we try to move from intention to actual action.

Insight is important, but not enough

This has a fairly direct consequence for leadership development. We spend a lot of time creating insight. Managers receive 360-degree feedback, personality tests, employee surveys, and coaching. They may understand both what they are doing and why they are doing it. That is valuable. But insight is not the same as change. If a manager has understood that she interrupts others, it is only when she is sitting in a meeting, feels that she already knows the answer, and yet manages to hold back, that something new begins to happen. This is why leadership development needs to move out of the training room and into everyday life. The new behavior must be tested exactly where the old one usually appears.

Make the new action smaller

A common mistake is that development goals become too big and vague. "I will become a better leader." "I will delegate more." "I will become better at listening."

The brain doesn't get much help from such formulations. It is easier to practice something that can actually be done. Instead of "I will listen more," the manager can decide that in the next project meeting, she will ask two questions before she suggests a solution herself. Instead of "I will delegate more," she can choose one specific task this week that an employee will be given full responsibility for. Small actions are not small if they are repeated. Eventually, what first required attention and conscious regulation becomes easier to carry out. Research on habits shows exactly how strongly repetition and situational cues influence our behavior.

Don't just train the person, look at the situation

This also presents a challenge for those of us who work with leadership development. We can become so focused on the individual that we forget the environment in which they need to succeed. If a leader is expected to be more inclusive, but meetings are time-pressured, agendas are overcrowded, and the organization rewards quick answers, the environment works against the desired change. In such cases, we shouldn't just ask: What will you do differently? We should also ask: What around you needs to change to make success easier?

This could involve changing the format of meetings, asking a colleague to give a subtle signal when you fall back into old patterns, setting aside more time for specific conversations, or agreeing in advance on which new behaviors to try. Effective development is therefore not just about strengthening willpower. It is about making the path possible.

Some questions for your own leadership practice

Think of one thing you have long wanted to do differently as a leader:

Is your goal concrete enough that you can actually see when you are doing it?
In which situations do you most easily fall back into old behaviors?
What is the smallest action you can start practicing?
What conditions around you make the old behavior easy and the new one difficult?
Who can help you keep the new behavior alive long enough for it to take hold?

Perhaps the most interesting question isn't whether we want to change. Most of us do, at least in some areas. The more demanding question is whether we have made the desire for change concrete enough to actually turn it into action.

References

Berkman, E. T. (2018). The neuroscience of goals and behavior change. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research, 70(1), 28–44. https://doi.org/10.1037/cpb0000094

Neal, D. T., Wood, W., & Quinn, J. M. (2006). Habits, a repeat performance. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(4), 198–202. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8721.2006.00435.x