People are different

Much of what we take for granted as “normal” — that is, behaviors we expect most people to do or should do — often turn out to be closely related to deeper personality traits. What feels obvious or right for one may be demanding, unnatural, or simply uninteresting for another. Research on personality provides insight into why the variation is so great — and why generosity to inequalities is crucial both for one's own well-being, the work environment and society.

1. Socializing vs. alone time

Many people think it's normal to like social settings and seek out companionship. For introverts, the need for quiet and alone time is a completely natural strategy to recharge their batteries — not a sign of asosexuality. Extroverts, on the other hand, draw energy from social contact and often feel most alive interacting with others.

2. How much and how to talk

Being talkative and active in groups is often considered the ideal. Nevertheless, it is normal for many to prefer to listen, or rather talk in more intimate one-on-one conversations. It's not about distance or lack of commitment, it's about how to process information and link meaning.

3. How to show emotions

Showing emotions openly is often seen as being genuine and healthy. But some people express emotions rarely, even though they may experience them just as strongly -- and vice versa. Such differences can be linked to underlying personality traits such as emotional stability, planliness, and openness.

4. Degree of structure and order

For some, structure, order and planning are self-evident ideals — for others, fixed routines feel limiting, boring, or unnatural. These differences do not necessarily follow age or background, but are often related to the degree of planarity in the personality.

5. Impulsivity vs. Restraint

Being spontaneous and seeking new experiences is often associated with openness and adventurousness. For others, such situations can feel exhausting or unappealing. Planliness and extroversion influence how you assess risk and action in everyday life.

6. How to deal with conflict

Some face conflict head-on, while others withdraw and need time. Neither is wrong. Such different strategies spring from different personality traits and learned experiences, and often tell more about a need for reassurance than a willingness to solve problems.

7th. The experience of “being oneself”

We often believe that authenticity is just about being in line with one's own patterns. But research shows that people can experience increased well-being and development by trying new sides of themselves, whether it's extroversion in social contexts or more calm and contemplation during periods.

Why is this important?

This shows how relevant it is to understand inequality and to align expectations and interaction in the workplace and in private. When teams and leaders recognize different needs—for structure, social contact, expression, or pace of decision—tolerance, well-being, and psychological peace of mind increase. We simply get more realistic expectations and better use of individual strengths, which prevents unnecessary conflicts and promotes true diversity. Effective management, then, is about individualized attention: meeting people on their own terms. In the Symbio leadership program, which I lead together with Edith Rian, we always start with a thorough exploration of psychological preferences, because understanding equality and difference is a key for both managers and employees to succeed.

Next time you think “shouldn't everyone...?” , it could therefore be the start of an exploration of differences—and a door opener to generosity, growth, and better interaction.

References

• McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T. (1997). Personality trait structure as a universal human. American Psychologist, 52 (5), 509—516.
• Fleeson, W., & Wilt, J. (2010). Relevance of Big Five trait content in behavior to subjective authenticity: Do behavioral manifestations of traits feel authentic? Journal of Personality, 78 (4), 1353—1382.
• John, O. P., Naumann, L. P., & Soto, C. J. (2008). Handbook of Personality: Theory and Research.
• Personality Traits: The five factors that shape our behavior. BI Business Review, 2024.
• Your personality has a surprisingly large effect on how you respond to government infection control regulations. BI, 2020.
• The importance of personality traits in prolonged head and facial pain. Journal of the Norwegian Association of Psychology, 2023.
• Personality and risk in working life. Assession, 2024.