Self-awareness and self-management
Why does all leadership start with self-awareness?
Self-awareness is not just about knowing your own strengths and weaknesses — it's about understanding how to act on others. It is the ability to record one's own reactions, adjust oneself in the face of different people, and take responsibility for the influence one actually has — consciously or unconsciously.
Without self-awareness, we become blind to our own ego, reactive patterns, and defense mechanisms. And this is often where friction, distrust and wrong decisions begin -- not in the mistakes of others, but in our own lack of clarity.
“It's not the other people's reactions that create the problem—it's that we don't see what we ourselves bring into the situation.”
Self-management in practice
Self-management is about how we manage our own energy, attention, and behavior over time. It is the ability to be internally controlled, rather than being dragged around by external demands and internal impulses. It means:
- Being able to take a step back before responding
- Prioritizing the important, not just the burning
- Giving yourself direction, support and feedback before others do
Good leaders do not wait for external control — they train to be conscious in everyday life. They know that what they say and do sets the tone for the rest of the team
What happens when self-management is lacking?
Leaders who don't work on themselves may seem skilled on the surface -- but leave invisible traces:
- They become indistinct when it storms
- They blame others when things get crooked
- They let stress or mood control interactions and decisions
- They use power or pace rather than clarity and presence
Over time, this leads to insecurity and low psychological reassurance — the opposite of what is needed in complex and demanding environments
Self-awareness doesn't make you weak — it makes you stable
It can be hard to see yourself without a filter. But those leaders who dare to be in development, who ask for feedback and dare to adjust, become more solid and trustworthy. Not because they do everything right -- but because they take responsibility for how they act.
Good self-management is not about perfection -- it's about continuous attention and adjustment.
Three keys to strengthen self-awareness and self-management
- Stop before the autopilot kicks in. Notice when you react strongly — it's often a signal of something you need to look into in yourself.
- Ask for feedback, and listen with curiosity. Not to defend yourself, but to understand how others experience you.
- Regularly reflect on what you are doing — and why. Ask yourself questions like: What governs my choices now? What do I need to see more clearly?
For reflection
Leadership is not primarily about tools or methods -- it's about people. And the first human being you have to understand and be able to regulate is yourself.
Do you want to develop your leadership? Start by listening inward--that's where all real development begins.
References:
Boyatzis, R. E. (2018). The Competent Manager: A Model for Effective Performance.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
Kets de Vries, M. F. R. (2014). The Hedgehog Effect: The Secrets of Building High Performance Teams.
Beds, P. M. (2006). The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization.
Sutton, R. I. (2007). The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't.
Wolfram, H. J., & Mohr, B. (2019). Self-Leadership and Leadership Development: A Review and Research Agenda.
